I’m Smart Enough To Realize You Don’t Want Me

As much as I do not believe in a divorce, I do agree with the sentiments behind the piece.

There is no point in loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Appreciation is one thing, love is something else entirely. To appreciate and admire someone is in itself commonplace. People would counter that love happens often too. I beg to disagree. Love, as in true, pure, beautiful love, happens once and only once in a lifetime. The rest are crushes that have been blown to large proportions to when they morph into love whilst being just a temporary admiration. I know this for certain because of an experience. When you love someone, you just can’t let them go. No matter how hard you try to get over it, it always stays in your mind and heart. You try really hard to come out of this and find someone else, but deep down you keep comparing your new interest to your old lover and that truly raises the bar. Even slight compromises become tougher to make, simply because you know that that person still exists and is perfect for you, not to mention completely opposing compromises that require for you to rewrite your book of principles. Then why settle for less? It is a painful truth, no doubt.  It is something that requires a lot of willpower, something I have only for my work and my passions but not for love, unfortunately.

I tend to carry my heart in my arms and surrender it to someone I love very quickly. I don’t believe in beating around the bush aimlessly trying to convey my feelings and emotions. That said, I also don’t wait to see what the other side has in mind and that leads to an overwhelming feeling of rejection and hurt. I always realize rather late that, at the end of the day, we are two human beings and can’t be just one. I live in this fairytale universe where man and woman can become one under true love. And that has happened to me too, but it’s sad that I couldn’t respect this enough. It happened at the wrong time but it was with the right person.

It is such a pity when I think about love and my experience with it. It is bitter-sweet. But yes, I have loved only once in my life. And I think I will only love once because the memories of true love are enough to satiate me when pitted against temporary illusions. Lies and secrets are all hidden and with them clouding my vision, I can’t love.

Honestly, if I had to pick between love and my teddy bear, I would pick my bear. Any day.

 

Thought Catalog

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This is a letter responding to my soon-to-be Ex Husband (married for 7 years, together for 13), who I ran into with some girl grocery shopping last Sunday night. We’ve been separated for a little over a year, but I’ve finally found the courage to say ‘It’s Over, it’s officially over.”

First of all, I know you’ve been “protecting” me throughout this past year. There are days when I probably needed it, and there are days when I was dying for some honesty and truth. I just want you to know that when I invite you to do things with me and our daughter, it’s not for my sake, although I still do really love spending time with you.

It’s not for me to keep up my hopes for “us”. I’m smart enough to realize you don’t want me, and I’m not what you need to fit into…

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