Yes. I am confused. It is an internal debate of sorts: promises versus the Present. The dilemma is scarring. No, I am not spoilt for choice as either situation is unattainable in the near future. The two available scenarios are both appealing and frightening at the same time. To tread on which one I know not. Either I wait for a renaissance of the past or the fruition of the tempting, ideal present.
The Past offered, in all its glory, absolute perfection. Bodily perfection was of course not of much interest to me. But the heart, pure, soft and with a slight level of mischief that is altogether seductive. Devotion at its peak, a path well-defined, albeit with pits and breaks, sincerity at its epitome, the Past is, in every sense of the word, perfect.
But the Past had to leave. The unforgiving Past had to run away with time. Run away for better opportunities and options worthy of consideration. The Past left no explanations or hope, cutting all cords abruptly. And yet, I cling to the fringed ropes in futility.
The Present, on the other hand, healed every wound. With charm and love, stitched all the ropes together… to itself. The Present is currently in desire. Perfect, an Adonis embodiment. To reach to the Present and clasp against myself is all I wish for. To hold my Adonis in my arms, to lock lips with my Adonis as my soul slips into the present. But there is a block, an annoyance of time and space. A cruel game played by fate- to entice me to Adonis, the one I can’t possess. The Present doesn’t comprehend my emotions, or it pretends extremely well. The Present wishes for me to speak, but how can I? Fear and indecision has taken over my present…
The future surely holds surprises. The Past or the Present, which one would it be?
Kiitos kaikesta, Apocalyptica.
A talk that is one of the defining principles of my life.